God Winks, or Really More like Flying Tackle Hugs

I'll never cease to be amazed by the gifts and blessings Florence continues to bestow on me each day that I'm here.  It really is simply astonishing.

I've been having a rough few days here.  Not bad, just rough.  I'm a Senior.  With that profound revelation, I've come to realize that this is a really big chapter in my life.  And as every proper chapter has, there is paperwork.  I've been trying to submit my application for graduation and I have yet to succeed in this endeavor.  Between my battles with fax machines and pure dread, it's been a process.  Maybe its a sign that I'm not supposed to graduate yet, but I really don't believe that's it.  Along with this stress and irritation, I've come to realize that I'm standing in the middle of a threshold.  Thresholds are usually a one-way thing.  There's no going back.  With that being said, it makes me sick sometimes to realize what I'm missing back home.  My brother Daniel's freshman year in college (the only year we'll share), my brother Patrick's senior year in high school, my sister Anna's freshmen year in high school, the move, talking with my Mom, joking with my Dad, Homecoming, Philanthropy Week, the Hopkins, my CLCs, late night burger king runs, swapping music, homework parties that of course are never really productive, being a part of the Rockhurst family.  I wouldn't call this homesickness, but there are definitely certain elements of home that I miss.

Today, however, I decided I was going to pull myself out of this minor slump.  There's just one little hitch to that- sometimes things are just completely out of your control.  But that's not always a bad thing.

I successfully navigated my way through classes, which really is no credit to me and strategized that as soon as class was over, I was going to find a nice quiet place and give myself some me time and read Eat, Pray, Love, which is one of my favorite books ever.  As class was released, I realized that I would feel much better about myself if I just got the stupid application out of my way.  Amended plan: find a copy store and take care of the application and celebrate with me time.  And send a quick e-mail confirming a service training.  Sending the e-mail and locating the copy store went fairly smoothly until I got there.  It was closed. After a little bit of huffing and stomping down the street, I decided that I could still salvage this episode and made the decision to find an American bakery one of my teachers simply gushed about.  Nothing sounded better than a cookie, maybe two, and my book.  So off I went.

The wind was being ruthless on my trek and was insistent that I relive the classic Marilyn Monroe pose. (Yes!  I was actually wearing a skirt!) At first, I was a little peeved about it, but I couldn't help but start to laugh and love it.  I mean, it's kinda fun to get to compare yourself to Marilyn Monroe.  I had a nice walk to simply take in Florence and enjoy some truly wonderful Fall weather.  Again, nothing I can take credit for.

My navigation has proved to be quite commendable here, which is a first really, and I found the supposed location of the bakery with no issues.  But it wasn't there.  Or at least it wasn't open.  Apparently it had already been closed for an hour.  At that point, I felt like a little kid who had just had her balloon popped.  A part of me really did deflate.  I couldn't win!  All I wanted was a stupid cookie!  Was there something wrong with that?!   And more than that, I actually do want to graduate!  Could technology cooperate just this once?!!?  And then comes the mental Gibb's slap.  (C.S.I. reference for those of you who missed it.)  Samantha, what are you doing to yourself?  Yeah, you want to share one of the best experiences of your life with the people you love most, but that's not the hand you've been dealt, so let's remember that you can find happiness, and sure, your current plan for happiness didn't fly, but there is always something else.  Now go freaking get it!

With the mental pep talk out of the way, I headed home and decided that I could still treat myself to a nice dinner, a.k.a., eating a LOT of bread.  And this is where I lose control again.  But I needed to.  I can't credit my happiness to myself alone and it's blessing to have people who make my life the beautiful and joyful thing it is and to partake in the love of a God who is so generous in His love and true in His plans.  What's next was simply a God Wink.  A "Hey, I'm still here, too." from the ultimate loved one.

As I headed home, I noticed a church was open for visitors.  Actually, I wouldn't have noticed it at all if someone else hadn't been looking in.  In a "Why not?" moment, I went inside.

I've seen a lot of pretty churches, don't get me wrong, but this one was built just for me.  It was quiet and dark and almost empty.  Art covered every inch of the interior and votive candles were everywhere.  Straight ahead of me when I walked in was a side altar with a kneeler right in front of it.  After a little bit of time taking in the art, I was simply drawn to this side altar.  On this altar, there was the image of a tree.  A tree.  Something strong and enduring.  Something that started small and was made great.  Something with powerful and sturdy roots.  Something that with all it's might and being reaches for the sun.  Something I needed right in that moment.  So on that kneeler, I reconnected with a loved one.  There, I made an official home.  I now know Florence is home because I know that my loved ones are always with me because their love is always with me. I know I'm home because it wasn't really a God Wink after all.  It was a Flying Tackle Hug.

Add the new Mumford and Sons album playing as I walked into the apartment and an apartment outing for gelato and the world is a friendly place again.  Not to mention that my adviser JUST e-mailed me about receiving my application.  I guess control is overrated sometimes.  Flying Tackle Hugs are much better.

Praying that you are blessed with many Flying Tackle Hugs and anxious to give you one myself,
Sam